SHOWDOWN: Chuck Tingle vs. Laci Green

By Heather McNamara

Did you SEE what happened on Twitter?

If not then honestly I envy you. It’s a terrible place. We gather there to stress out about what the orange tyrant says, criticize hollywood for being sexist and racist, and to laugh at dril. But occasionally, magic happens on Twitter. Maybe this is why so many of us are willing to suffer through all the rest of it. Or maybe we’re all just hoping Chrissy Teigen will notice us.

But in the tangle of all of the fights and stressing out, there is a character on Twitter who always has something positive to say: Chuck Tingle. Tingle is the notorious author of internet hits such as “Pounded in the Butt By My Own Butt”, “Pounded in the Butt By My Book: Pounded in the Butt By My Own Butt” and who can forget “Space Raptor Butt Invasion”? Tingle brags that he has been twice nominated for a Hugo award by internet trolls flooding the nominations page in a failed attempt to discredit the Hugos (he leaves out the latter bit) and describes himself as the “greatest author of all time.” Part of Tingle’s charm is that his books are formulaic, short, and quickly written so that when something happens, like say a Republican bigot named Denver Wriggleman gets caught with bigfoot porn, Tingle can churn out his next best seller in 24 hours or less (see: Don’t Vote For Virginia Congressional Hopeful Denber Wiggleman Because He Is Full Of Hate, Not Because Bigfoot Makes Him Hard).

Hilarious book titles aren’t the only thing that makes Chuck Tingle an internet treasure. He is also well known for supporting the LGBT community, asserting that “buckaroos and ladybucks” are all entitled to their “preferred pound” and “love is real.” He’s also long been an outspoken critic of transphobia. Back in May of 2016, Tingle released a “tingler” (his word for the novellas he writes) on this subject entitled “Pounded In The Butt By My Irrational Bigoted Fear Of Humans Who Were Born As Unicorns Using A Human Restroom” in which a bigot who is upset about transgender people in bathrooms gets sexually dominated by the sentient manifestation of his bigotry. It’s pretty darn good. I definitely recommend it. Adding to the entertainment, Tingle talks in his own strange vernacular giving his online persona a unique flavor. In Tingle Twitter canon, he is also a doctor, a karate master, and a traveler of dimensions (and the void, which is scary and contains crabs).

With the recent news of a transgender child being bullied by groups of parents until she and her family were forced to move out of state, Chuck Tingle was bound to offer a few words of positivity and support in his own strange vernacular. Said Chuck Tingle:

Chuck Tingle‏ @ChuckTingle

there are infinite genders and infinite biological sexes here and elsewhere. there are infinite layers of reality based on infinite events through history that create variations in universes meaning that YES science says there are infinite genders and sexes sorry this is science

Thank you, Chuck Tingle. That was awesome.

Who would argue with that? Not only is it kind and supportive and not all that confrontational, it is also said in such a way that it is clearly not an invitation to engage on the subject. It is framed in hyperbole specifically for the entertainment, comfort, and safety of the in-group – fans of Tingle who are not actually interested in debating this subject and, amongst ourselves, embrace the extreme opposite view of transphobes. It’s an anti-invitation to debate. Who would show up to that?

Enter Laci Green! You may remember this mess from back when she was only sort of vaguely transphobic but otherwise “sex positive!” and willing to embrace all sorts of different genders and preferred pounds. She was a friend! Kinda. She was a feminist! One of us! Then one day she happened along a dumpster fire named Chris Ray Gun and decided to date it. CRG told her that women are actually bad and his landfill fire friend Blaire White was happy to come along and teach Laci all about how trans people are actually just dramamongers and Hitler is good or whatever it is Blaire is into these days. Laci, never having done any of her homework and never having bothered to learn WHY she was a feminist or what any of that shit meant, was instantly converted and immediately started releasing new, weirder videos in which she appears to have just binged on edibles and had a galaxy brained idea about how to hate women more effectively. Absolute train wreck. Do not recommend.

Apparently Laci happened upon Tingle’s tweet and for whatever reason, her edibles failed to put her in a happy mood that day so she decided to respond to Chuck Tingle with the following:

Laci Green: there are infinite genders but there are not infinite sexes. sorry this is [actually] science.

This being Twitter, one would fully expect this whale corpse of a comment to gather bigot flies and rot and possibly bloat up and explode all over the beach. I know that’s what I expected. But sometimes, miracles happen and things don’t suck and, as Dr. Tingle would say, somebody “proves love.”

Of course, Tingle was quick on the draw with his own form of response:

Chuck Tingle: how do you explain biological sex on ALL timelines? i do not believe you have visited every one (i have not either this would be impossible just too many). but every timeline variant BEFORE life spark on earth creates infinite variations of biological reproduction THIS is science

Thank you, Chuck!

But wait. That’s not all. You see, Tingle fandom contains all kinds of buckaroos with all kinds of preferred pounds and some of those buckaroos are scientists! Actual PhD holding endocrinologists who specialize in sex differentiation. Are you ready for this?

Let that be a lesson to the next person who tries to take on Dr. Tingle and the buckaroos who love him.

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About Zinnia Jones

My work focuses on insights to be found across transgender sociology, public health, psychiatry, history of medicine, cognitive science, the social processes of science, transgender feminism, and human rights, taking an analytic approach that intersects these many perspectives and is guided by the lived experiences of transgender people. I live in Orlando with my family, and work mainly in technical writing.
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