Gender Analysis

Throughout numerous articles, I’ve covered many aspects of the experience of chronic depersonalization among trans people, a condition of persistent feelings of unreality or having “no self” that’s especially common in untreated gender dysphoria. Symptoms of depersonalization disorder are wide-ranging and can include (Sierra et al., 2005; Fagioli et al., 2015):

• Disturbances in sense of self: Feeling “robotic”; a sense of seeing oneself from the outside or being an observer of oneself; lacking a sense of ownership over one’s body as if it does not belong to oneself
• De-affectualization: Emotional numbing; not “truly” feeling emotions when expressing them; a sense of having an empty head or having no thoughts at all, or as if one’s thoughts have a life of their own; not experiencing pleasure or displeasure at the taste or smell of things; detachment from the sense of pain
• Derealization: Feeling detached from one’s surroundings; seeing the world as colorless, lifeless, or flat; a sense of being unreal
• Disruptions in sense of time, memory, and perception: Objects appearing smaller or far away; a sense of not being present in one’s own memories of life; feeling that recent events took place long ago

The feelings associated with depersonalization disorder can be particularly difficult to describe, as it fundamentally affects the texture of one’s own conscious experience; most people don’t know about depersonalization and some do not even realize that such experiences aren’t normal. The phenomenon of chronic depersonalization in trans people follows a similar pattern, and many sufferers are surprised when these symptoms abate after transitioning. Continue reading →